Sideline Chatter: The NFL said there was no place for such violence in the NFL

The NFL fined Bucs QB Tom Brady $11,139 for attempting to kick Falcons’ Grady Jarrett after Brady was tackled.

So there you have it: the league’s first rough rampage penalty.

Securities

• TO Fark.com: ” What are you doing ? Bank robbery. You? Murder. You? Cheat fishing.

• TO BorowitzReport.com: “Herschel Walker categorically denies ever playing football.”

walk on eggshells

The Swift Current Broncos of the Western Hockey League reported a net loss of $349,000 for the 2021-22 season.

This is called being caught crossing the red line.

He strikes strikes

Dodgers outfielder Mookie Betts celebrated his 30th birthday by playing a 300 game two days later.

A true unicorn, he’s a 300 hitter in two sports.

Disappointing

The over-under for Thursday night’s Bears-Commanders game was 38.

Runs scored (19), punts (10) and sacks (8) didn’t even add up to that.

Tweet of the week

“If they did ‘Bull Durham’ today, Nuke LaLoosh would be on a pitch count and never see the 5th inning (expletive).” — @ Super70sSports

big betting machine

BetMGM has announced that it is now an official sportsbook partner of the Cincinnati Reds, including a sportsbook at Great American Ballpark.

“Can you repeat that please?” said Pete Rose, dropping his sheet of everything.

Not so fast my friend

Cassie, a robot developed at Oregon State, broke the world record for bipedal robots clocking 24.73 seconds in the 100 meters.

But rumor has it they found STP in his post-race urine sample.

Field goals galore

This Big Ten score: Illinois 9, Iowa 6.

Even more surprising: it was not played on a Thursday evening!

Go east, young man

Missouri, despite being nearly 900 miles from the Atlantic Ocean, is somewhat part of the SEC Eastern Division.

And we wonder why three-quarters of eighth-graders in the United States have lower geography skills than this?

remedy for insomnia

• The San Diego Union-Tribune’s Nick Canepa, via Twitter, after ex-Chargers LB Shawne Merriman said he got eight hours sleep Thursday for the first time in ages: “Watching Bears-Commanders?

speak the conversation

• David Whitley of the Gainesville (Florida) Sun, after Florida LB David Reese signed a NIL deal with Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups: “Imagine other possibilities on the UF roster: Ventrell Miller Beer. Daejon Reynolds packaging. Josh Braun razors…”

• Mike Bianchi of the Sentinel in Orlando (Florida), during “Fat Bear Week” in Alaska, when the bears gorge themselves on salmon before going into hibernation: “Hey, that looks like Nick Saban on signing day national! »

• Warriors fullback Steph Curry, to reporters, on 7-foot-4 French prodigy Victor Wembanyama: “He’s like (NBA) 2K player creator; he’s every point guard who wants to be 7 feet. Cheat code type vibes, man.

Heavyweight Champion

Travis Gienger of Anoka, Minnesota broke the American Pumpkin Record by throwing a 2,560 pounds at the 49th Annual Pumpkin Weigh-in World Championships in Half Moon Bay, California.

Steroid tests are pending.

Draft referees

• Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg, via Twitter, in a highly questionable hard call for Bucs QB Tom Brady’s benefit: “I’ve seen more vicious tackles lining up at Starbucks.”

• NFL Network’s Tom Pelissero, on an equally questionable call in the Chiefs-Raiders game: “Chris Jones just became the first player in NFL history called to rough up the passer while holding the ball.”

• Jack Finarelli of SportsCurmudgeon.com: “After Chris Jones’ third quarter rough call, Raider fans have no right to complain about ‘The Tuck Rule’ ever again.”

• Mike Pereira, Fox Rules Analyst, via Twitter, on Jones’ call: “I’m sitting in a bar drinking Tito’s with Chief fans yelling at me. I don’t blame them!”

Illegal contact

Angry Raiders wide receiver Davante Adams ran over a TV cameraman on his way to the locker room on Monday night, earning him a misdemeanor assault charge.

He’s lucky he hasn’t been flagged for press interference.

The quotation marks

• Janice Hough of LeftCoastSportsBabe.com, on the Blue Jays’ painful collapse with an 8-1 AL Wild Card playoff lead: “On the other hand, they’ve been named honorary Toronto Maple Leafs.”

• ESPN’s Robert Griffin III, on Thursday Night Football: “Anyone know if Amazon Prime can deliver a same-day touchdown?”

• Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle, on the minor leagues’ use of a pitch clock cutting games from an average of 3:05 a.m. to 2:38 a.m.: “With the clock and the banning of shifts, MLB games are about to get a whole lot more watchable.

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